Another Visit To The Hospital For A Parent

I’m finding today a bit surreal with another visit to the hospital, except this time it’s with dad.

Approximately five years ago the University of Tennessee Medical Center was home for mom.  They cared for her cancer treatments and truly were the best in every way.  As a cancer survivor, mom grew in strength and confidence and this I attribute to her care on UTMC.  However, we all sadly lost mom as the treatments took a toll on her body years following her remission.

Now I’m sitting in the waiting room of the same hospital, except this time it’s for dad.  Results are not conclusive, but it could be bladder cancer.  I’m writing this as he is in recovery and tissue samples of the tumors they removed are being tested.

I feel like there is more than just tumors being tested here with me.  It’s emotionally challenging at best and the images of doctors, waiting rooms, medical conversations and that whole medical power of attorney thing is taking it’s toll.

But I’m a big boy and holding it clearly together.  Oh, and you may wonder about dad . . . well, he is a strong trooper, brave and a hero!

 

Brand New Year, No Kidding Just Laugh

2017On the first day of the new year, I want to laugh — no kidding!  First of all, I can’t say how glad I am 2016 is over — well, I can say it, but then the expression would read incorrectly.  Why do I want to laugh?  I want to laugh because too many have forgotten what it’s like.  Too many are taking life so seriously, they are forgetting to enjoy the humor in the world around them.

Our country has experienced a brutal election overlapping a four-month long Christmas season (it started in October!).  The two of these in and of themselves may be enough to throw lemons on any sugar-patch party, but when the two ran hand-in-hand, lemons are all we found.

It is arguably true there was plenty of Christmas cheer, after all it was the year of millions of red and green laser dots illuminating the fronts of homes.  Laser lights equals cheer in any neighborhood.

But we are talking about laughter, not cheer.  When laugh happens, people are more healthy, more forgiving and generally in the best of attitudes.  We need more laughter.

Entitlement and Injustice are the two new lead dogs on the sled to tomorrow.  I remember the day when we laughed about life with everyone and everything in it.  It was the fuel that burned away at any injustice and overshadowed the illusion of entitlement.

Life was funny and we laughed!  In 2017, it’s gonna be funny.  Are you gonna laugh?

That’s Not My Problem

The world seems to be falling apart . . . at least it would appear so.  But truly, it doesn’t look any more unrested than it did in the days of Abraham, Noah, David, Paul, and any number of moments within the gap (those days between then and now). It’s easy to focus on the uncertainty of what is to come.  Of course, as Christians, there is a sense of peace knowing the God is the victor, but our minds, our flesh has a tendency to worry about tomorrow.

I was reminded last night, as I spoke on the phone with a dear friend, of the nature and doubt of where what we don’t see, but need, will come from.  How do we know our next meal will arrive?  How do we know our bills will be paid?  Worry, worry, worry.  That seems to be the answer most of the time.

I’ve yet to see a sparrow worry though.  Perhaps the feathers disguise the worrisome look just above their beak, but something tells me they are incapable of such a state of mind.  Wouldn’t that be nice if we were unable to worry?  But God has designed us to trust!  Worry comes when we take our eyes off the Father, Jehovah Jireh (my Provider) and instead, gaze upon the needs of the world around us; especially our own.

I’m so thankful He has me in His provisional hands.  He has me in mind when I don’t understand what tomorrow will bring.  Instead, He wants me to see His provision in my today, not worry about tomorrow, and “lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him . . . ”

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”   Lamentations 3:22-24

Great is your faithfulness; mercy and love!

Afresh Each Day

I’m convinced, if you wait on Him . . . or better . . . if you will listen, God has something big to say every day.  Sometimes my children remind me how much I miss in life.  From the back seat I often hear, “Daddy, did you see that?”  And my answer is often the same each time . . . “Ummm, no I missed it!”  The busy nature of our lives and the fast-paced schedules create an environment where we forget.  We forget to look up, look around and notice things, especially the Creator.  He’s ever present, ever moving, ever speaking . . . every day.

Yesterday, the morning moon would not leave me alone.  I know you’ve likely painted an image in your mind of the larger than life moon out my bedroom window blazing its beams on me throughout the night.  Oddly enough, this wasn’t it at all.  In fact, in the early morning, skirting around town, like I was a child once again, the moon seemed to follow me everywhere I went.  Every turn I took, it was there.  But on this particular morning, it struck me different every time I saw it.  It must have been a dozen or so moments.  You may be wondering what was so extraordinary about these moments.  Well, it was the handiwork of the Creator, speaking to me.  With every glance of the moon, the painting in the sky displayed in curious splendor a new moon.  In what appeared to be in a blink of an eye, the clouds that ordained the moon just moments before were gone and replaced with the morning hue of pinks and blues.  Oh how majestic is Your name in all the earth!

And then, this morning, He seals the deal.  Shows me in ways only possible through His works, the renewing of His lovingkindness, mercy and grace . . . each day.

His lovingkindness begins afresh each day.
Lamentations 3:23 TLB

And when I read this, everything seemed to pause.  For real?  Afresh?  Each day?  This doesn’t feel true.  It certainly isn’t how I choose to live, that’s for sure.  Heaping upon yesterday’s yesterday the self-inflicted debt of grace and love needed.  My trailer of bad days is a heavy load to bring into today from yesterday.  But in Lamentations, God says His lovingkindness begins afresh, brand-new, no-debt, no baggage . . . full, in an abundance of grace and mercy — just enough for today!  And He will meet me tomorrow with a million new moons to declare His lovingkindness one more time!

Thank you, Lord!  Thank you for new days, new hours and new minutes!  Thank you for new moons at every turn!  Thank you for new beginnings each day!

My Rampart

Have you ever come across a verse that was difficult to shake?  By that I mean, unable to stop pondering, thinking or unpacking?  Indeed, these verses are the hidden jewels of the wealth of treasure throughout God’s Word, and once discovered — they radiate like diamonds on the soul.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.   Psalm 91:4

For some time now this verse has conjured up all sorts of images . . . wings, protection, safety, shelter and the list goes on.  But it was the latter part of this verse that stirred in my heart for more than a week.  His faithfulness?  Mentioned in the same breath as feathers and wings?  My shield and rampart . . . what in the world is rampart?  My only reference to this word in my everyday life was from my childhood, watching one of my favorite shows in the early 80’s called Emergency One!  It was a syndicated TV series focused on the world of two paramedics at Station 51 and their close working relationship with Rampart General Hospital. The paramedics would arrive on an emergency scene, care for the wounded and call into “Rampart” to alert them of injuries in need of immediate care.  And like the heroes they were, they whisked the injured to the hospital.  Upon arrival, “Rampart” became the place for healing, recovery, care — where peace conquered chaos, and disasters became stories of miracles.

A place of fortification — rampart serves as a place, a broad place, raised to an elevation to serve as a defense.  Now it’s starting to become more than feathers!  My God serves as a broad, expansive defense for me.  And not just Him, but through His faithfulness this shield and rampart protects.  Can anyone else see the radiant diamonds glistening in this discovery?

My God, my Rampart!

Resting In The Shadow

There are so many places where peace is nothing shy of just plain pretty.  Oh the beauty of a peaceful commute home from work or the beauty of  a calm conversation with the phone company over a discrepancy in the bill.  How awesome to experience the peace in the playroom when 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1 child with a friend plays without fighting.  Sometimes I just cry out for a Klondike Bar!  Oh boy, what I wouldn’t do sometimes for a peaceful moment.

But God has extended for me a place, a place to rest — find peace.  It’s a place not riddled with distractions, formal rules, assignments or expectations — it’s a place of freedom, communion, fellowship and well . . . rest.

David spoke of this place as he, too, wondered of the assurance of fellowship with his God.  And as he did he found peace in his fellowship.  It was a place of rest, embrace and joy.

I’m reminded of moments I’ve spent in the hammock, under the tall oak tree.  I reflect on the fellowship with my Savior on the boulder found  firmly in place at the edge of the creek.  As I seek shade on a hot day, may I rest in the comfort of my Lord.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  Psalm 91:1

Irrational Recipe

It’s pretty common knowledge, especially among chefs, that ingredients play a key role in making anything in the kitchen.  You probably just squished up your face and said to yourself something like, “Well, it doesn’t take a chef to know that – duh!”  You’d be right.  In fact, it’s also pretty common knowledge to know that baking soda, when used alone, will not make a cake, neither will an egg, or oil, or flour.  I actually hope you have never done or choose to ever do this, but  you’ll know exactly what I mean if you spoon up some baking soda in your mouth.  Don’t ask me how I know this.

My experience of expertise in this area comes at a critical time in my life where I was learning from my grandmother, the trade secrets in the kitchen.  Making homemade brownies was always a treat!  But I must add, curiosity really got the goose on this particular day.  All the ingredients on the table and ready to assemble, the one that drew my attention far more than any other was the can of Cocoa.  Taking on the ideal fragrance of chocolate and appearing in presentation identical to it’s cousin Nestle Quick, I couldn’t resist the temptation to grab the spoon at the first chance I had.  Grandma finally went around the corner, just out of site and I moved in for the kill.  It was going to be a mouthful of succulent chocolate yum — a concentrated chocolate milk on my tongue and I couldn’t wait for the thrill of this tasteful experience.  I grabbed the spoon in my unbelievable fortune, dug it deep within the tin of joy and lifted the spoon to my mouth while subtle waves of chocolate dance through my nose to my brain.  And then, like I had just unleashed a scoop of the moon into my mouth, the bitter buds on my palette ached and immediately withdrew what little moisture had gathered under my tongue.  Even at the attempt to discard it, it was like someone had just stepped on a powdery mushroom as spores of Cocoa were released into the air.  One might think it would depart your mouth as quick as it went in, but like QuickSet concrete, Cocoa turns to a paste that a simple and single glass of water does not dissolve.

I had learned a valuable lesson that day.  I am not coo-coo for Cocoa anymore for one, but I mostly learned that all things are not as they appear.  Ingredients can seem a bit irrational at times.  It just doesn’t make sense that something so nasty can taste so good in the end.  Sugar is a sweet, sweet thing — it changes everything!!!

Tonight I was reminded of this principle once again.  The more I read about it, the more I became amazed, encouraged and simply in awe of God.  In short, God tells us that He is making something very good in each of us.  He plans to use all things to conform me into the image of His Son.  And I found myself staring at the pages . . . quiet . . . still . . . contemplating this apparent journey.  And here is what I began to think:  “What?  All things?  He’s going to take them all?  Surely not all of them!!  Really??  This one?  This?  That? And THAT??”

Oh my . . . this feels like a recipe for disaster!  And satan would surely like for me to think that in every sense of the term.  But that’s not what God has said about me, nor is it how Christ lives through me.  Yeah, my sin is like a spoonful of Cocoa — smells good, tastes like powdered poop!  But my crappy life experiences mixed with a heart for Jesus baked in His redemptive love and grace is an original recipe indeed!

Thank you Jesus!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.    Romans 8:28

by Mark Cruver

Talking Behind My Back

Have you ever been the subject of someone talking about you behind your back?  Worse, have you ever been the one talking about someone else behind their back?  I hardly think anyone is exempt from either of those questions.  In fact, the topics about another span the universe and unfortunately we only find out about the negative things.  Truth is, nobody really likes to find out they’ve been “talked about” behind their back.

I recently encountered a moment very similar.  But my reaction was very different than most I think.  I found out someone was talking about me behind my back and it literally took my breath away.  I never ever thought this person would say such things about me so when I found out I could do nothing but sit there in tears.  Why was I taken so off-guard, you may wonder?  Well, it wasn’t the first time.  This particular revelation was actually the sixth time it was brought to my attention.  It was getting a bit ridiculous . . . or was it?

What do you really say when you find out God is talking to others about you behind your back?  What do you really say?  I sat in awe and wept.

When, for the sixth time, some random person comes up to you and says, “God just told me to come over and introduce myself because you needed someone to pray with,” you open your ears to their words.  The prayers, the conversations, the revelation of God in those moments and the realization that God Himself was having a conversation with others about you will change your perspective!

Then I read about the blind guy, Bartimaeus.  It was brief, but it was direct . . . Jesus spoke to others about Bartimaeus in much the same way as he has spoken to others about me.  Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”  Jesus said this to those with him (likely his disciples).  And with that charge, they called Bartimaeus from the roadside where he sat yelling for mercy — something Jesus could have surely done Himself.  Bartimaeus was on the mind of Jesus and Jesus spoke to others to get his attention. (Mark 10:46-52)

I’m wondering now how many times I’ve missed the call from Jesus as He is trying to talk to me about someone behind their back.

Lord Jesus, I simply am awestruck at your thoughts of me.  When your thoughts of me reach me, they overwhelm me.  Thank you for calling out to your disciples for Bartimaeus.  I’m so thankful for their obedience in hearing your voice. Thank you for calling out to others for me!  And, for what it is worth, I’m glad you talk about me behind my back!

by Mark Cruver

Is It Just Me?

I shouldn’t be feeling this way!  These things shouldn’t be happening to me!  Life stinks!  I want one thing, but do another!  I love, but am not loved!  I fight, but do not win!  I work hard, but get no where!  I look up, but it’s cloudy!  Is it just me?

The answer to this, and many of the pending questions in life is found as I live not as I want, but as Christ lives through me.  Even as I’ve written this I’m reminded of how much I’m still learning.  Trusting Christ as my life is an act of obedience with every step.

It’s trusting the Truth in Christ and recognizing the lies from satan that bring misery and bondage.  It’s making it all about me and my circumstances instead of Him and His control of my circumstances.  For when I live through His Truth, He receives the glory.

How many times have you opened a gift and tossed the packaging away only to learn there was more!  Well, there is MORE!  How often I forget that along with the gift of salvation came Christ as life!  It’s rarely noticed until something happens greater than we (I) can bear, but the measure of this extends throughout my very existence — second of every minute.

Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  Psalm 55:22

You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great.  You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.  Psalm 18:35-36

When life gets heavy, so heavy in fact it feels all-consuming, the answer to the pending question is yes, it is just me!  God has commanded me to give it to Him to carry.  His shoulders are broad and strong and not just for the moment — instead He expects me to heave my burden onto Him.  Why?  Because He can handle it – will handle it – promises to handle it – with ease.  Remember, His yoke and burden are light (Matthew 11:30)!

So, why do I feel like it’s just me all the time?  Well, it’s likely because it’s the devil’s idea.  A bunch of lies! Because of who I am, to whom I belong and through whom I live, it is not normal for me to carry my own weight.  When I choose to carry my own burdens, I am choosing to live life outside of Christ — independence from the One who lives in me!  And this, my friend, is sin (Romans 14:23).

 

Frozen By Fear

Fear has power.  It’s ability to reinvent is comparable only to the force of nature.   Fear is able to change momentum, redirect confidence, sabotage faith, conceive doubt, hijack control and freeze freedom.

I’m reminded of a beautiful spring day at a Tennessee wilderness creek.  It was a supremely perfect day.  Just the right amount of sun through the trees to warm your back while following the rushing water upstream and pausing on occasion to witness it’s power cascading over boulders left behind from something far bigger than myself.  On this particular day I chose to get a bit closer than usual to nature.  With a number of good sized rocks scattered beyond the shoreline into the rushing water it only seemed right to hop from one to another.  The air smelled of adventure and then time seemed to freeze.  Oddly however, it all happened in a split second and yet, lasted what felt like a lifetime.  As I left the security of one rock to land on the next, my eyes caught glimpse of a water moccasin warming himself on the likes of the rock I had intended to land.  But I was already in motion, in the air with no way to “change my mind.”  Yet, in some odd unexplainable way, I changed my mind, changed my direction and needed to change my shorts!  I landed on a completely different rock out of harms way.  Fear changed my momentum, redirected my confidence, sabotaged my faith, gave birth to doubt, hijacked my control and froze my freedom in mid-air.

It’s easy to talk about fear when it comes to snakes . . . who doesn’t freak out?  But when fear creeps into our lives through relationships, emotions, finances, careers and circumstances, it behaves in very similar ways.  And yet, Jesus tells us to fear not!

I’m reminded in scripture the account of Jesus asleep on the boat as the disciples begin to panic over the storm that threatens to bring disaster.  Jesus asks, “where is your faith?”

The sick woman who touched Jesus’ garment was called to reveal herself.  Full of fear and trembling she fell at Jesus’ feet.  Yet Jesus tells her, “. . . Go in peace and be freed . . . ”

David, a boy with only three stones faces a giant bully — but fear has no power!

Faith in knowing the Truth brings fear to it’s knees.  It thaws the grip fear has on the soul to do what is right and affirms the power of the Spirit who lives within to “go in peace and be freed!”  It is through the greater power of the Spirit of God that overcomes anxiety in messed up and broken relationships, that conquers unleashed emotions, that answers the questions of why and what if, that gives the solution to how.  It sees through the fog of soured circumstances to see that God is in control and that His promises stand true to the end . . . that He is glorified!

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”   Romans 8:5